The Rise and Fall of the Idiots
by A Phantom's Dream
Summary: Hogwarts is a school full of nice, smart, sane students, right? WRONG! We're like the exact opposite! The Golden Trio, who we think has been in the limelight for much too long, must go down. Will it work? We'll still be insane by the end of this.....
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello! I'm just saying I own nothing, and that this story belongs to me on MNFF as well, so it's not like I'm plaguarizing anything. Thanks, and enjoy!

"Class, pay attention!" Professor Flitwick called out over the chatter, exploding snap and the slug-coughing students, which seemed to be a trend since Ron jinxed Malfoy- er- himself. Hermione glared at Harry and Ron, who were too involved in cheering on Dean, who currently had seven, slightly mangled slugs lying on his desk, until she turned her attention back to Professor Flitwick. "Today, just because I feel like it - I mean since we are such an advanced class - we are going to do one of the most complex charms ever. It is called the Gignoramnus Charm. It's used to turn people into giants," Professor Flitwick explained, and with a complex flick of his wand the innocent bystander standing next to him morphed into a gigantic, ugly, hairy clone of Gregory Goyle, with a resemblance to Vincent Crabbe. The only difference was that it looked smarter than both of them put together. Hermione raised her hand.

"Miss Granger?" Flitwick carelessly waved his wand again and the bystander was returned to normal.

"Professor, wouldn't this be considered Transfiguration?" she asked, showing off her knowledge which was nearly ten times more than her teacher's.

Flitwick looked annoyed. "Under normal circumstances, yes, but you are an advanced class and are therefore expected to learn what is above your average level." It was the best he could make up, and it would do, for Hermione and the rest of the class seemed to accept it.

"Gignrom!" Ron said, pointing at Harry with his wand, for Harry was, unfortunately, his partner in this class. There was an explosion and when the smoke cleared Ron's face was black with soot and it looked as if he had a second nose, which was in reality a giant spot that he had received from the explosion. After class was over, the trio headed towards Potions, Ron's face closely resembled Hermione's when exams are cancelled.

"I'm going to go into hiding at my house," he told them, embarrassed as people were (understandably) laughing at him. A lot.

"Ron, I hate to break it to you, but when you go into hiding you don't usually tell people, and you might want to choose a different place. The first place anyone's going to look is your house," Hermione explained sympathetically, though with a hint of laughter. Meanwhile two girls; Fiona and Alexa, were leaning against the wall, each had a smirk on her face and as soon as Harry, Ron and Hermione had passed they began planning.

"Okay, Fiona, what's the purpose of this?" Alexa asked her accusingly.

"To bring the trio down, because we're better than them and can prove it. We're both in Gryffindor, we're better looking and smarter, too," Fiona said adamantly.

"Wait…. so, you want to kill Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger?" Alexa asked, looking doubtful. "Isn't that You-Know-Who's job?"

"Not kill them, degrading them in public and lowering their social status will do. Besides, if I don't do anything there's no point in this story. You won't get to send anything into the fan fiction site," Fiona said as if everyone should know this. Besides, Fiona had asked her to write up a record of the events of their seventh year at Hogwarts. Nobody else was too eccentric about the idea.

"This isn't another giant squid/Hermione fic, is it?" Alexa took out a notebook and a quill.

"No, this is plan B, because that, apparently, was too good for you," she rolled her eyes and glared at Alexa. "Basically, we're just going to embarrass them in class and stuff…Ron didn't really have his spell in charms backfire, actually I cast an explosion spell on him," Fiona explained with a giggle, but then she gasped as realization dawned on her. "We're ten minutes late for Potions!" she cried, and ran down the hall. Alexa tried to keep up, but Fiona was simply faster, or more afraid of Snape's wrath.

They were just in time, but Snape seemed to think otherwise.

"Miss Baldwin, Miss Franken, you are three point five seconds late, that's thirty-five points from Gryffindor," he said, his mouth curling into an evil smirk.

"But we're not even a minute late!" Alexa protested.

"Thirty-five points each. Take your seat, Miss Franken," Snape turned and flicked his wand and potion instructions appeared on the board.

"The ingredients are on the board, you are making the invisibility draught, I look forward to seeing most of you fail. You may begin." Snape would have then gone to his desk, but Seamus Finnigan raised his hand.

"Sir, won't you get fired if we don't get good grades?" Seamus asked.

"Yes, but then the DADA job will be mine," Snape replied dismissively, then turned to his desk.

After class was over, only two had succeeded in making the invisibility draught; Alexa and Hermione. The trio and the duo left the dungeons, separately, of course. Though the trio didn't know trouble was heading their way in the shape of a potion ingredient, it was.

"Do you have any knarl quills?" Alexa asked Fiona when they spotted the trio again.

"Yeah, why?" Fiona handed her the last quills she had.

"Just follow me and be quiet," Alexa grinned evilly and ran after the trio, Fiona just behind her.


	2. That's Just Stupid Enough to Work!

"Alexa, will you tell me why the bloody hell we are chasing the trio with a handful of knarl quills?" Fiona asked her for the third time.

"Okay, I'll tell you. I learned, two years ago from a Potions class that whenever Hermione touches knarl quills, she swells up - last time, it was to the point where she almost started floating. We just have to get her to touch the quills in any way possible. Oh, and it was for the fan fiction - I had to leave the readers with a cliff hanger." Alexa shrugged. "Either way, it helps us out with bringing down the trio."

"Well, it sounds easy enough - we could slip it in one of her books or something?" Fiona suggested.

"Yeah, I guess so, but hurry, they're getting away!" Alexa whispered, running until she was near enough to the trio without being seen. "Bombarda!" Hermione's bag instantly split, dropping tons of books, quills, and bottles of ink onto the stone floor.

"Can we go on to lunch? This will only take a minute!" Ron asked Hermione, who agreed to let them go to lunch, after all, they wanted to beat Seamus to the shepard's pie.

"Hey, Hermione, do you want some help?" Alexa stepped in front of her, pretending to be polite.

"Yes, thank you." Hermione started picking up the books and cleaning the ink off. 

"No problem." Alexa grinned and picked up Hermione's potions book, splattered with ink, and slipped in the quills. She continued to help her with her books, and when it was done, Hermione thanked her again and went to find Harry and Ron, whilest Alexa went to find Fiona.

"Did it work?" Fiona had been sitting at the Gryffindor house table impatiently waiting for Alexa.

"Yes, Hermione should start inflating in…" Alexa looked at her watch, "five…. four…. three…. two….. one…. and it has begun." They looked down the table, and as Alexa had predicted, Hermione had started inflating, resembling an over-blown balloon.

"Brilliant." Fiona grinned.

"Listen, we can hear them freaking out." Alexa shushed her. There was a small scream from the trio's area of the table.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Harry was staring at her, mainly because she had swelled up so much that she resembled a large balloon.

"I don't…" she gasped for breath, "know!"

"C'mon, let's take her to the hospital wing," Harry said to Ron, and the each grabbed one of Hermione's arms and began dragging her out of the hall.

"I just thought of something." Alexa said, her smile fading.

"What now?" Fiona asked, annoyed that Alexa had ruined her evil mood.

"You know how Harry, Ron, and Hermione are a trio?" Alexa asked wearily. 

"Yes," Fiona said slowly, not seeing the problem.

"Well, we're just a duo, we can't really beat a trio." Alexa took a notebook out of her bag and began writing down names.

"We're a…" Fiona stopped to count on her fingers and gasped. "You're right! What do we do?" She looked down at the list Alexa was writing.

"I'm thinking an anti-trio group. We can ask people who we are sure are anti-trio, my list begins, and big surprise, a lot of Slytherins seem to be on here." She pointed to all the names, wanting Fiona's opinion on all of them. Fiona read them out loud.

"Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Pansy - Ugh! You're inviting her? I'll go insane!" Fiona took out a quill and furiously scribbled out the name.

Alexa sighed. "If you must. But out of these three Malfoy's probably the best for the job. Crabbe and Goyle can't even read, then again, having some muscle on the team may come in handy."

"Well, I don't think we can have them anyway - they're the Slytherin trio, and we need a Gryffindor trio." Fiona pointed out.

"Well, who then? Neville Longbottom?" Alexa was getting frustrated.

"No, no, how about…." Fiona looked around the gigantic house table, "Parvati Patil?"

"Okay, she's a candidate." Alexa wrote her name down, "Anyone else?"

"Hey, I have a better idea. Why don't we just post a notice asking for all trio haters to come to the Room of Requirement tomorrow?" Fiona suggested.

"That's just dumb enough to work!" Alexa took out a long piece of parchment and began writing.

"Lunch is over, c'mon. I need to go to our dormitory, I left my Transfiguration book there." Fiona got up and when Alexa had folded up the parchment and shoved it inside her bag, they went towards the Gryffindor common room. When they arrived, the Fat Lady demanded the password.

"Um… Snape is an ugly git." Alexa said, and the Fat Lady permitted them entry. "McGonagall is doing a very fine job with passwords if you ask me. A bit different format this year, but none the less great." 

"Yeah, and Alexa? How are we preventing the trio from seeing that flyer?" Fiona asked.

"I dunno, I guess they can see it. Merlin knows they're not going to join!" Alexa finished the last words with a flourish and handed it to Fiona. Alexa had some kind of sparkling, color changing ink, it would surely stand out in the sea of notices on the board.

Hate 'The Trio'? Sign your name below and come to the Room Of Requirement at 7:00pm tomorrow.

After that, there were several lines for signing peoples names.

"Cool. C'mon, let's post it and get to Transfiguration, I think we're late." As Alexa went down to hang the flyer on the message board, Fiona, who had much better things to be doing than taking notes in Transfiguration, began writing on a random scrap of parchment.

_Bah… Transfiguration is boring. This is boring. I wonder who's written their name on that flyer… Hmmm. I seem to have lost all sanity given to me at birth, which does not seem to have been very much. Snape is evil. I hate him. I hate people who wish him well. I'm hungry. Wow, this is random. And stupid. And boring. Oh look… Transfiguration's over! YES! GLORY! Oh, I have to check that flyer. _

Alexa and Fiona raced each other to get to the Gryffindor common room, and were surprised to see that anyone had signed it at all.

"Okay, it looks like these people just put their first names: There's Anna, Melanie, Sam, Carol, Lisa and - what is this, a joke? Someone put themselves down as the 'Goddess of Light', and someone's signed themselves down as Severus Snape. Well, I suppose it's the best we could hope for," Fiona said, sighing.

"Oh well. We'll see who comes tomorrow." Alexa shrugged and sat down in a chair by the fire. 

"Hermione, what made you swell up like that?" Ron asked her curiously. Hermione had been shrunk back to normal, but was having several coughing fits.

"Knarl quills. I'm allergic, but the only question is who could have put them in my homework planner?" Hermione started coughing again right after she explained, causing Ron to back away quickly.

"Well, I'm not sure who'd want you to touch it, but did anyone have your bag in class or something?" Harry asked.

"Well, I was sitting near Lisa in Herbology, but I doubt it was her, she was too engrossed in hanging onto Anthony's every word... And the only person I've sat next to in the other classes is Ron!" she finished, giving him a sidelong glance.

"What?" he asked defensively. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know, maybe because yesterday when I asked you whether you'd finished your Astronomy homework you said that if I didn't stop talking about that stupid essay, you were going to find a way to stop me yourself!" Hermione pointed out, glaring at the memory.

"I didn't mean like that!" Ron said defensively, his ears growing red.

"Well, how did you mean it then?" The two had now stood up, Hermione with her arms crossed, Ron now blushing intensely.

"I can't believe you'd even - "

"Guys!" Harry interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Can we focus, please? Is there anyone else who might have had a chance to tamper with your bag, Hermione?"

"Maybe it was Krum, he put one in a letter or something," Ron suggested eagerly, earning him another glare from Hermione.

"Well, there was that one girl - her name's Alexa... But I doubt it. She's kind of quiet."

"Oh well, we'll find out who did it. Right now I need help with this Transfiguration essay." Ron scratched out another sentence on the essay, giving him about seven words left on the parchment. On the stairs to the girls' dormitory, Alexa and Fiona were silently celebrating.


	3. The Meeting

"Okay everyone, welcome to the first annual Trio Haters meeting… Well, the name self explanatory, and we're here because, uh… We don't like the trio? Yeah. Anyway; one of you will be chosen to make a new trio and overthrow the old trio. Simple enough?" Everyone nodded. "Our sponsors are Borgin and Burke's, and a large sum of money was sent from an anonymous 'D.M.'. Now let's narrow it down, how many of you have an IQ above four?" Alexa asked, crossing her arms. Four or five people raised their arms.

"Those of you who don't can leave." Three people left the room, heads down. "Now we'd like some introductions, or at least names."

"Yeah! Or favourite colour, food and sock brand!" Fiona jumped up from her chair excitedly.

"… Anyway! Let's start at the left, and move down through the right. Now, remember, this is like an audition. Only one of you will be chosen. Let the sabotage, cheating and other dastardly acts begin!" And with that, the first person started with their name, and the line went down to people tall, small, and with various growths on their elbows. In the end, when everyone got names down it was Severus, Anna, Sam, Aisha, Melanie, Dean, Seamus, Cormac, Carol and Lisa.

"And now, we have a test for you." Almost right after the word 'test', there were groans all around, including one from Fiona. "You don't have to take the test, dolt." Alexa told her before turning to the crowd. "Whoever answers all of, or in some cases, the most, questions correctly will qualify for the next round." Fiona handed out pencils and test papers, and it began, the test reading:  
_  
1) Who do you like more?_

a. The trio. They're so cool.

b. Alexa and Fiona. Alexa's the smart one with beautiful hair, and Fiona's just there for the show.

2) Do you have any num chuck skills? 

a. Yes

b. Huh?

c. No

3) Please name any past instances that gave you experience in humiliating, sabotaging, and/or playing the bongos.

4) If the trio were standing in the hall, talking, and you had a bucket filled with water, a long piece of rope, and a strange looking iguana, what would you do? Please make a one-paragraph answer.

5) Do you have any experience with muggle electronics powered by magic?

6) Isn't Alexa's hair just gorgeous?  
  
Alexa, in fact, wrote the test herself. 

After many looks at others' papers, scratching out answers, and scribbling furiously, everyone was done and tests were collected. 

"Er, I guess you can leave now. We'll let you know when we grade these." Alexa nudged Fiona to go hold the door, and she took a quick look through the tests. All of them had number six correct. "They really know how to suck up to a club leader."

After everyone left, Fiona let the door go and walked back up to Alexa. "How do the tests look?" she asked, in all seriousness.

"They look good. All of them go number six right." Alexa shuffled the test papers in her hand.

"Was that the one about your hair? Because it could really use some…" Fiona trailed off after seeing the look Alexa gave her.

"Well, let's get out of here. We still have loads of homework, and McGonagall will kill us if we're out late again." They grabbed their bags and exited the room, as it took its former shape…whatever that was.

"What's the password again?" Fiona turned to Alexa, as the only thing she could ever really remember was her name.

"They changed it today, right after we left. It's 'Impending doom'." The portrait opened, and they stepped inside.

"That's a cheery password." They heard Dean say to Seamus as they climbed the staircase to the boys' dormitory.

"He's right. I guess Dumbledore just wanted us all to know what was going on, and that was the best way." Alexa and Fiona walked up to their dorm, exhausted and not looking forward to the mass amount of homework that caused so many students anguish.

"I think I'll just lay here and die, thanks." Fiona collapsed onto her bed and started snoring just five minutes later.

"She didn't even do anything today…" Alexa looked at Fiona with a sort of confused smirk.

"Ron, do you have a quill I can use?" Hermione asked from the seat across from him. They were in the common room, which seemed to be crowded with people since if they went outside, there was a risk of drowning, or, if you were like that, melting.

"Why? Who're you writing that novel to, anyway?" Ron eyed Hermione's long sheaf of parchment suspiciously, which was in danger of being stepped on by other students. It had trailed over the other side of the table, fallen to the ground, and went about three feet away from the table.

"I'm writing a letter to Viktor. He's just wondering what's going on in my life." She just then noticed how long the parchment had gotten. "A lot, obviously."

"Well, why don't you ask him why he put those knarl quills in your book then?" Ron retorted. Harry wasn't sure if Ron was annoyed that she was talking about Viktor again, or that her letter was already longer than his Charms essay.

"Because I know he didn't!" Hermione's voice was growing louder and more shrill by the second.

Ron glared at her. "Why don't you just ask Viktor for another quill then?"

"Because he's halfway across the world!" she replied, their voices growing steadily to rival the sound of the raindrops thundering against the windows.

"I don't care!" he yelled at her, rising from his chair.

"Can you just let it go, Ron? She said she was sorry." Harry had been observing them exasperatedly from next to Hermione.

"Well, she still said that I put the knarl quills in her bag!" Ron's ears were starting to glow red in anger.

"That was before she said sorry." Harry gave Ron a look before turning back to his newly opened box of Chocolate Frogs, hoping that the sight of sweets would make his friends talk about something else, or preferably stop talking all together.

"But… Krum could have done it!" Ron spluttered.

"Ron, we've been over this. He's halfway across the world," an exasperated Hermione told him.

Ron took this badly, and in response, threw all his books in his bag, and stormed off to the boys' dormitory, slamming the door, with mutterings of, "But Krum COULD have done it!"


End file.
